just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
