hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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