a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
