My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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