I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
What a dumb baby whore.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
