i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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