i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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