Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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