Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
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You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
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If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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