words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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