Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Randomize
