can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
please come you make the beer taste better
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
