It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
