I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
