kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
