Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
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