How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
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Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
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Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.