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• (803): View more from South Carolina

  definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.

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• (512): View more from Texas

  My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.

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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.

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• (810): View more from Michigan

  I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.

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  The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  He just called me juicy booty via text message.

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.

  (410): View more from Maryland

  Sounds like a normal friday night

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?

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• (925): View more from California

  Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?

  (1-925): View more from California

  Come on man nobody wants to admit that

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  19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on

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