Texts From Last Night

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  (432): View more from Texas

  So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?

  (207): View more from Maine

  You need to stop watching Twilight.

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  (432): So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler? (207): You need to stop watching Twilight. http://tfl.nu/oudp
  Replies (48) Good night (1355) Bad night (1532)
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  (510): View more from California

  I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Are you high?

  (510): View more from California

  No. That's why it's odd

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  (510): I think I speak chipmunk. Odd. (702): Are you high? (510): No. That's why it's odd http://tfl.nu/ybok
  Replies (5) Good night (2318) Bad night (717)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.

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  (206): Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though. http://tfl.nu/6g66
  Replies (27) Good night (1926) Bad night (5737)
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  (971): View more from Oregon

  So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"

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  (971): So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully" http://tfl.nu/lw3x
  Replies (12) Good night (10729) Bad night (1003)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...

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  (630): She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket... http://tfl.nu/7hai
  Replies (11) Good night (1449) Bad night (3592)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this

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  (604): fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this http://tfl.nu/yh2h
  Replies (10) Good night (4816) Bad night (1236)
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.

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  (204): Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out. http://tfl.nu/sq7d
  Replies (6) Good night (3285) Bad night (1039)
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  (903): View more from Texas

  Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.

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  (903): Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high. http://tfl.nu/bi94
  Replies (6) Good night (1423) Bad night (664)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'

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  (614): I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table' http://tfl.nu/avs4
  Replies (4) Good night (3780) Bad night (718)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader

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  (208): I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader http://tfl.nu/v8oi
  Replies (3) Good night (1511) Bad night (879)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.

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  (402): I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham. http://tfl.nu/kvkl
  Replies (3) Good night (1487) Bad night (692)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.

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  (817): I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE. http://tfl.nu/yalr
  Replies (11) Good night (1240) Bad night (726)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.

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  (519): I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands. http://tfl.nu/u4sr
  Replies (1) Good night (845) Bad night (476)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.

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  (919): We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks. http://tfl.nu/pidt
  Replies (0) Good night (475) Bad night (297)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch

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  (913): It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch http://tfl.nu/1u6j
  Replies (0) Good night (515) Bad night (283)

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