farters have to be the big spoon...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
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Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
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The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
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