I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
My feet surprised me
Randomize
