if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.