A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.