Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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