Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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