Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
