11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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