oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
