It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Two words: nipple clamps
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