break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
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