Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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