If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
