i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
