Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
