soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
