there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
