so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
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I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True strength comes from lack of pants
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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