Small penises have feelings too.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
