hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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