let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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