We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
MIDGETS
????
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
