Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
You can't just leave with hair like that
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
