i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize
