nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
