sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
