I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
