and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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