Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
