dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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