thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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