dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
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That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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