When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
