It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
