I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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