Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
