Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
