my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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