She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
