1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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