the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
