You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Randomize
