I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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