Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Someone came in the potted fern
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
