i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Randomize