booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
