I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Drake has all the answers
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
