Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
