Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
