dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Randomize
