i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
what is it with giant penises always finding me
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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