Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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