Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
