when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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