There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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