I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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