Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
