Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
